What Families Say
The following are from families and individuals I have had the honor of walking alongside:
We are so grateful to have had Lara Howenstine by our side during one of the most emotional and heartbreaking times our family has ever faced. When our mother was placed on hospice, we didn't know what an end-of-life doula was or what to expect. Hospice recommended we work with one. Lara held all of us, not just our mother, with a steadiness and grace we didn't know was possible. She created a space of dignity, peace, and calm that allowed us to actually be present rather than overwhelmed. We kept saying to each other: “We don't know what we would have done without her.”
We cannot recommend her enough to anyone navigating this, whether you know what you need or not.
— Jessica N. Cecena, Daughter of a Patient, Millbrae, CA
During my mother's final weeks, Lara proved an immeasurable gift. She took the time to truly understand my mother, crafting a peaceful and loving environment for her to die at home. Her bedside always had fresh flowers, her favorites were lilies. Her favorite blanket was draped over her. My mother loved the smell of jasmine, so we set up a diffuser with jasmine oil. Lara also emphasized the importance of her last meals, not for nutrition, but for pleasure. Small, easy to eat, things she was actually craving, like beef stew, homemade bone broth, and mint chocolate chip ice cream. Things that tasted good and brought her joy in those final days.
Lara created the most beautiful playlist of my mother's favorite songs: "Ave Maria" sung by Kiri Te Kanawa, music from The Sound of Music, Diana Krall's "The Look of Love," and so many others that were so deeply her. She invited all of our family to contribute songs, and working on it together gave us something loving to do that took our minds off of what was to come. It was one of the most meaningful things we did together during that time.
As my mother's care grew more complex, Lara handled the delicate work of coordinating visits with loved ones for their final goodbyes. In her final hours, she created space for everyone to be truly present and to say what needed to be said. She reminded us that hearing is the last sense to go and encouraged all of us to whisper loving words in her ear as she was dying.
After my mother died, she guided our family through a ritual cleansing of the body. We weren't sure what to expect, but it turned out to be one of the most loving ways we could have honored her. We bathed and dressed her in her favorite red and black dress. Per my mother's own instructions, Lara put light makeup on her face. She was glowing. She looked better than she had in months. We have no regrets.
Lara took the reins and navigated this entire process with steadiness and grace. She stayed in close contact with the hospice team throughout the process and turned what might have been a chaotic and frightening experience into something remarkably smooth and calm. She made it as beautiful as it could possibly be. For that, we will be forever indebted to her.
— Elizabeth Chiu, Daughter of a Patient, New York, NY
I don't know how we would have gotten through it without Lara.
She cared for both my aunt and my cousin during their dying process and from the moment she showed up she was exactly what we needed. Steady and warm. Never rushed us once. She listened in a way that made everyone feel heard, even when the rest of us were barely holding it together.
She walked us through all the end-of-life planning stuff that felt impossible and somehow made it feel manageable. And when it came to comfort meds, when to give them, when not to, how to titrate, she really knew her stuff. Not from a textbook. She had actually been through this with her own family. That made all the difference when we were scared and didn't know what to do.
And I have to say…she made us laugh! At the right moments, in the right ways. Somehow she knew exactly when we needed to. And we did.
What I'll carry with me most is how present she was. Not just for my aunt and cousin…for all of us. She never made us feel like we were doing it wrong. She just held us through it.
I cannot recommend her enough. Not even a little bit.
— Jerri Milbank, Niece of a Patient and Cousin of another Patient, Westborough, MA
I don’t know how our family would have found our footing during our mother’s final weeks without Lara’s support as an end-of-life doula. She brought steadiness that let us be present with our mother, instead of drowning in fear and logistics.
Lara helped us understand what was happening to our mother’s body with such gentleness, but what we’ll carry with us most is the spiritual and emotional care she gave – to our mother, and to all of us. She helped us find small rituals that made the days feel sacred instead of just heavy – surrounding our mother with pictures of those she loved most, filling her bedroom with yellow flowers (her favorite color), playing the music she loved most, simply filling her room with love without needing to fill the silence with words.
She brought an energy to her bedroom that I can't fully explain. But I can tell you that the room actually felt good to be in. You wanted to be there. That's not something I ever expected to say.
She made sure we were never navigating this alone. She stayed in close communication with our mother’s hospice nurse and the social services team, so that nothing fell through the cracks, and we always knew what to expect next.
When our beloved mother passed, it felt like we had walked her spiritually to her new life together, and that gift is because of the guidance Lara gave us. She didn’t just support our mother dying – she supported our family in learning how to be there for someone we loved as she left this world.
— Nannette Nemenzo, Daughter of a Patient, San Francisco, CA
Lara stood by me through my senior cat's final days, and I don't know how I would have gotten through it without her.
I was in denial at first. I kept hoping he would recover, even when it was becoming clear that more treatment would only cause him more pain. When I finally reached out to Lara, I was set on having him die at the pet hospital, it felt safer somehow and more controlled. But she gently asked me where his favorite place at home was. I told her he was always sneaking out the front door to hang out in the front yard, it was his favorite place in the world. She slowly and thoughtfully guided me toward the idea of letting him die there. It turned out to be the most perfect decision I could have made for him.
She helped me find a wonderful home pet hospice and gave him reiki that brought him almost instant calm. He had been in a lot of pain, barely moving and when she put her hands above him, he slowly inched closer to her. I will never forget that.
He died outside, in his front yard, in my arms. Lara was right there beside us, holding his paw as he took his last breath. I couldn't have imagined a more peaceful or perfect goodbye for him.
— Kirsti Miller, Parent of a Cat, Phoenix, AZ